why do i always have to fuck things up? always!!! even the simplest things. Just something so simple, as coming home on time. Just cause i wanna wait for my boyfriend to get out of work, so we could all go to dunkin donuts. When the fuck am i gonna learn? Aparently, there are more important things than my boyfriend, and making him happy. And my friends. Like coming home on time. But why is that soooo important? Isnt it more important to develope strong relationships, rather than to make sure you're not home 20 minutes late? Isnt love more important? And not just love for my boyfriend, but my friends as well. Cause also, when you think about it.. who's been there when i needed someone to help me? Never my mom. NEVER! a few days after Dan and I broke up, i did something stupid, (what else is new?)... and my mom goes "no wonder Dan broke up with you. If you stay the way you are, no ones ever gonna wanna stay with you. The only reason Dan was with you, was because he didnt see the real you, until 6 months later" ... yeah, isnt that just great for my mom to say? But then i had people like Jeff, and Mike, who helped showed me that there are people that care about me. And that just because Dan doesnt love me anymore, doesnt mean that everyone else doesnt. And they showed me, that not everyone is going to decide to randomly leave me, broken hearted, all alone. And then there were people like Chris, Ryan, and Zach. Three of the most amazing guys ever. They showed me that life still had a point. That life was still worth while, without Dan beside me. And they showed me, that there were things about me, for people to like. And through the really rough summer I had, made me smile. And then there's Jess. Of course I didnt forget Jess. I was simply saving the best for last. Jess showed me everything. And taught me a lot, too. And I was actually thinking about this the other day. I am the luckiest fuckin girl, on the face of the earth! Cause seriously, there is no one else in this world, I would rather have as my best friend. Jess has made me feel like i was something specail. And whether she knows it or not, actually makes me see a point in doing my school work. (that doesnt mean that everyhting is gonna get done. Cause that's hard to do. but doing a little bit, doesnt hurt.) But she isnt the only one showing me the motivation to do it. There's also Rich. The most incredible boyfriend I could have ever imagined. Who I always makes me feel so protected. Feeling protected by your boyfriend, is one of the most important things. But he makes me feel protected, in more than just a physical way, but emotionally. Whenever im with him, i feel like nothing can ever hurt me. I feel like nothing can ever make me upset. And i feel like everything in the world, makes sense. And even when im not with him, whenever something bothers me, or makes me upset, i feel like i have something to look forward to. Something to live for. And i cant wait till the next time i get to see him. And little by little, im begning to grow. Beginging to mature. Rich isnt all like "awww, how cute" about things that i need to change. Such as my indecisiveness. i cant never make decisions. And instead of him just finding it cute, and doing something dorky as driving around the lake, until a decision is made. He actually sits there, and makes me make a decision. And sometimes, he'll even kinda yell at me. But slowly, im gonna get over this, and be able to make decisions, all on my own. And im gonna owe that to him. He's always looking out for me,

QUESTIONS:
1. What was the hardest subject in high school for you? history ; math
2. Have you ever tried sushi and do you like it? nope.. and not planning on it
3. Did you ever have acne? eh... not really
4. Which show is funnier-That 70s Show or Friends? hrmmm... both! lol
5. Did you ever get a makeover? not professionally
6. How much did your last haircut cost? i havent the slighest idear

Have you ever...
07. Said "I hope you die" to someone: yeah... to my mom, bunches of times =(
08. Tried to kill yourself: no way
09. Gotten in a fist fight: once, kinda. but nothing big
10. Lied to your parents: just little white lies
11. Lied to your friends: i try not to
12. Bit someone: haha. occasioanlly
15. Given someone a bruise: probably
17. Cut yourself: no. I consider myself lucky, and never felt a need to.
18. Skipped school: im a good girl O=)
19. Hung up on someone: excluding my mom... no.
20. Gone commando: its actually more comfortable... lol
21. Thrown up at school: once, when i was in 1st grade... lol. The teacher yelled at me

GIRL TALK
01. Do you stuff your bra? noppers.
02. Have you ever stuffed your bra? haha... me and my friend used to when we were like, 6. lol.
03. What make-up do you wear daily? nones
04. What are your underwear like right now? my superman thong! lol
05. How many pairs of shoes do you own? i gots a really lot. But only wear a few of them... lol.
06. Come on, tell the truth. Is that really your true hair color? eh...kinda... lol
07. What do you most like about your body/face? hrmm...i dont really like my body. But my face, eh... not too many complaints. i like my smile, and i guess my eyes (except for the fact, that apaprently, they're really scary, cause my pupils are always so dialated ::tear:: )
08. And least? i dont like my body very much at all. But i really hate my feet, and the fact that my boobs are uneven. (really uneven.)
09. How many fillings do you have? 4... but i think i have another cavity ::gasp!:: guess im not going to the dentist for a while (i dont want another filling. They hurt!)
10. Do you think you're good looking? eh... sometimes... but not really, lately
11. Do other people often tell you that you're good-looking? i suppose so... but it doesnt matter what others think. only what certian people (person) thinks. ;-)
12. Do you look like any celebrities? not that im aware of
13. Do you like a man with muscles or not? a little bit of muscels... but not too big.
14. Tall or short men? short.
15. Does your dream guy have long or short hair? short
16. What's the hair situation 'down there'? mine? non-existant. lol
17. How long is your leg hair? also... non-existant.
18. Ever come close to having sex, but didn't? ummm... dont think so
19. With who? ---
20. If so, why didn't you? ---
21. Are your eyebrows a different color from your hair? hrmmm... never looked that closely... lol
22. Do you pluck your eyebrows? nope. too lazy. lol
23. When did you last have a hickey, and where? hrmmm... ive had too many last year, to remember. ::cough cough:: lol
24. Are you on birth control? once upon a time, i was. but not no more
25. Can you dance? not at all. But sometimes, do it anyways. (as long as someone gets a laugh out of it. haha)
26. Can you lick your nipple? haha... yeah. "SPECAIL TALENT!" lmao - Ryan and Chris!
27. Do you struggle with self-esteem? everyone does, somewhat.
28. Do you or have you ever had an eating disorder? noppers. But i could eat a bit less... lol (but food just tastes, sooo damn good! lol)
29. When was your first period? sometime, back in the day. lol. sixth, or seventh grade? dont remember.
30. If you unexpectedly got pregnant, what would you do? breakdown and cry to my mommy.
31. Future daughters/sons names? girl - Brooke Jeanne... Mackenzie Frances... i gots lots more too... lol.   boys- Adam Vincent. Daniel George. Ryan Christopher. gots a shit load more of them too.
32. Are you pro-choice? i suppose
33. Do your underwear and bras usually match? every once in a good while


THE PAST
01. Any good memories from last year? yeah... tons
02. Any bad memories from last year? hrmmm.. not really. last year was pretty kick ass
03. Do you regret anything from last year? eh... tiny, itty, bitty, minor things i wish i'd done differantly. Simpley, to see how differant things would be right now.
04. Do you regret anything you've ever done? nothing major.
05. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? first real one... Daniel Robert. lol
06. Did you ever have braces? noppers.
07. What is your best childhood memory? hrmmm... back to when my parents were together, and when they actually werent fighting.
08. Do you have the same friends you did when you were seven and under? yeah, tons. Sara and Jessie Rzucidlo... Vinny and Nikki Lombardozzi... Lauren Tissot... Alex and Steve Robionson... Jamie Calkin... Lisa Petro... Emily and Angela... Loren M... im sure there's a buuuunch more. (and then there's the kids you've known, and hated forever... but are now really good friends with -- Ryan and Zach)
09. What color hair did you have as a kid? basically, the same. Minus a few highlights and what not
10. What does your name mean? havent the slightest idear

THE PRESENT
01. Current Music: Sublime - smoke two joints.
02. Current CD in player: SR-71
03. Current conversations: a few minutes ago... Brittany, Zach, and Chris C - but now they all left =(
04. Current time: exactly 11:30
05. Current clothes: sweatpants, and mike's old T-shirt
06. Current hair: thrown up in a pony tail
07. Current taste: toothpaste
08. Current mood: wired (i slept allll day!)
09. Current smell: ummm...
10. Current thing you should be doing: laundry... taking a break. lol
11. Current desktop picture: misfits skull thing... (my brother's computer... lol)
12. Current favorite group: like, music? greenday, blink 182, got a shit load
13. Current book: the fourth harry potter book (yeah... just started reading them... lol.)
14. Current refreshment: water
15. Current worry: if i take a shower now... will i wake up my mom? (dont feel like getting yelled at again)
16. Current crush: my boyfriend -- Rich =)


Random:
+What's your favorite card game? spit! (and no! its not a girly game! thank you very much... its very intense! haha)
+ Have you ever paid to see or call a psychic? no... but i thought it'd be funny to get a physchic reading one day... just for shits and giggles.. lol
+ How many times do you pee per day? umm.. never counted. lol
+ Which of the following do you like most: Ski Free, Free Cell, Solitaire, Rattler Race, or that mouse eating cheese game for Windows? ummm.. ive only played solitare.
+ Pac-Man, Simon, or Frogger? Pac-Man! rock on! lol
+ Fraggle Rock or Muppet Babies? whats Fraggle Rock?
+ Celine Dion or Barbra Streisand? kill em both. lol
+ farting or queefing during sex? lmao
+ rottweilers or german shepherds? german shepherds (cause shamrock, was part white german shepherd)
+ fish or birds? they both scare the hell out of me! --haha. Jess's birds... lol
+ cows or goats? cows, like mooo. lol. "mom! i saw a real live cow today!!!" haha - Jess, Rich, Chris!
+ Candyland or Operation? Operation... cause it makes that goofy buzzer noise. lol
+ Monopoly or Life? They both kick ass! espeailly when you play life, with the kids you babysit.
+ AOL or MSN? aol
+ Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy? easter bunny
+ javascript or HTML? HTML
+ drowning or burning to death? both are pretty fuckin scary
+ falling or being shot to death? definitly shot to death
+ The Green Mile or Forrest Gump? hrmm... cant decide
+ The Truman Show or Joe Schmo? heard of em both, but never saw either
+ Shrek or Monsters Inc.? never saw Monsters Inc. - so Shrek

what's better...
tea/coffee/cocoa: cocoa
warm and humid/cool and breezy: cool and breezy
short hair/long hair: long hair (im tryin to grow mine out)
belly button ring/tongue ring: belly button
necklace/earrings/bracelet: earrings
braces/crooked teeth: braces . cause eventually, they wont be crooked anymore.
contact lenses/spectacles: contacts
books/internet/travel: internet, i guess... i dont know. (i dont travel too often)
outdoors/indoors: both have their pros and cons
slow dance/fast dance: slow dance =) espceaily with someone you really care about
father/mother: my dad's an asshole
platforms/flats/stilletos/chunky heels: SNEAKERS!
candy/flowers: can i have both? lol.
drama/fantasy/sci-fi/comedy/horror: comedy -  and when the mood is right, horror
serial/movie: movie
ike/tay/zac: huh? is that jiberish? lol
pencil/pen: pen
read/write: umm.. i'd say write
cake/pie/pudding: depends on what flavors... lol
pancakes/waffles/cereal/oatmeal: omg! cant i just have them all?! haha ... i'd have to say, Lauren T's pancakes!
not bathe/not brush your teeth: thats a toughie... i guess not bathe
dirty nails/dirty hair: dirty nails
door open/door closed: my door is very rarely closed. and when it is, you know why ;-)
hair glitter/lip gloss/eyeshadow sparkle: lip gloss
dress/pants and top/skirt and top: pants and top
phone/email/messenger: messenger ;  and if i feel comfortable enough with the person... phone.
overweight/too short: overwiehgt, cause you could always lose the wieght
drums/piano/guitar: guitar!
harmonica/tamborine/shaker: harmonica ; those things are soo cool!
loner/mingler:  mingler ; i hate being alone
earthquake/tornado/storm/tsunamis: storm ;  sometimes they're fun (or romantic. hehe)
vibration/beep: vibration... ooo baby
laptop/personal computer: laptop
glass/mug: glass
candle/artificial lighting: candles. =)
beauty/rich/smart: i'd say, a blance between beauty and smart
radio/tv/video/internet: video camera - PRECIOUS!!
cash/card: cash
not able to see/not able to walk: not able to walk
natural death/unnatural death: depends - whichever's gonna have less pain
show/comfort: huh?
sweet/salty/sour: cant really tell the differance
god/devil/free-thinker: free-thinker ; defintily!
innovator/follower: innovator
no sleep/no food: no sleep
be told the scary terrible truth and live with it/continue living your perfect 'normal' false existence (eg:matrix): i'd rather know, then live in ignorance. (ignorance, is not bliss)
boyfriend/true friend: when your boyfriend, is also your true friend, there isnt a differance.
work/study: work
fan/air-con/wind: wind
webcam conference/face-to-face: face-to-face
lie/threaten: both are really bad
domineering/submissive: not sure what they mean
polka dots/stripes: stripes. But polka-dots kick ass too, cause they're really goofy.
christina aguilera/britney spears: if i really had to choose? christina... but i'd love to throw them both out a window
daisy/rose/orchid/tulip: rose
pork/fish/beef/chicken: chicken ; but only the artificail chicken stuff, like, from mcdonalds... lol
juice/pop/shake: capri-sun, or milkshake


Dating & Attraction
On what date do you usually do the deed? i'd have to be with them a while. (in the past, 4 months)
Have you ever fooled around with another woman? noppers
Should you ever give a relationship a second chance? absolutely. But never a third
Have you ever fooled around with a coworker? never seemed like a good idea
Who ended your last relationship? him. (it was the farthest thing from mutual, you could ever imagine)
Would you ever have a relationship with someone 10 or more years older than you? no... i'd rather not follow in my mom's footsteps.. lol
How long could you abstain from sex or masturbation? oh wow... i dont know. lol
What's your opinion of PDA? nothing wrong with it as long as its not too much. like, no intense making out and crap. but little pecks every so often, are great.
What's the first thing you check out on a guy's body? smile. eyes. stomach.
what are his crimes? i dont get it
How did you meet your guy? been good friends for a long time -originally met, in school. through other friends.
What first attracts you to a guy? appearance. then humor.
What is your ideal seduction date? somwhere where you can be completely away from the rest of the world. Just the two of you, and no one else. Not even phones. No contact with anyonelse. And where, after the love making is finished, you can just fall asleep naked, in his arms. And wake up, the next day, have a nice big breakfast, and not have any obligations to run off to. And have it just be the two of you, awya from society, and responsibility, for a day.
Have you ever had a workplace romance? noppers.
What's your favorite thing about your guy? oh wow. Do you really want me to list? theres a lot. How comfortable i feel around him, and how i can be my goofy, natural self. But, i still like the excitment, of trying to impress him. How responsible, and mature he is... but at the same time, can act very immature, and just goof around all the time, and not care about what anyone else thinks. And how much he looks out for me, and always wants me to do my best. He's always trying to get me motivated. And how i always feel so safe, and protected when he's around. He's like my super hero! =) hehe.

Behind Closed Doors
Do you tell your friends the down-and-dirty details about you and your guy in the sac? uhhh... yeah. But i really shouldnt. Some guys dont like that.
How often do you initiate sex? who knows
How do you care for the hair down there? its kinda gross
How much do you tell your friends about your sex life? too much... lol
How long do you like sex to last? heh heh heh. i'd be happy with one minute. lol
What kind of sex would you rather have? veriety's always good. lol. just NO ANAL!
Do you like sex with your eyes open or closed? open. But once in a while, closed... cause its kinda fun, to not be able to see whats going on (blindfolds!)
How many sexual partners have you had? one, and kinda proud of that. But it'll eventually change
How many times a week do you like to have sex? depends on how often you see the person.
How many sexual partners is too many? it depends on the amount of people in a certain time..
If you've ever faked it, why? heh heh. never had to. O=)
Have you ever lied to a guy about the number of sexual partners you've had? nope. thats just silly
What do you wear to bed? sweat pants and a t-shirt


In the Mood
What gets you in the mood? a lot of soft, gentle touching. and a lot of neck kissing.
What says romance to you? hard to explain
Is sex better with the lights on or off? for the most part, off. But my favorite, is lights completely off, and candles lit (or black lights are really really cool too!)
What's your favorite time to have sex? all sex is good. But i like it in the weee hours of the night.


Love & Marriage
Do you believe in love at first sight? not particularly
Would you rather marry your soulmate or a billionaire? soulmate
How long did it take you to fall in love with your most recent boyfriend? currently - only been together a month or so... so i dont think im in love yet. But my last one... not sure if i ever really was in love. But i tihnk i may have been. And i'd say it took around 5 months, for me to be really in love. where, when you think about him at night, you realize that your life is absolutely perfec tin everyway. And you even feel like crying, just cause you're so happy. And that you're so grateful you found him. And that all the pain you wen through before him, was well worth the wait. Yeah. I wanna feel that way again. But i gotta be patient.
How important is it that your partner be the same religion as you? not at all. im not religious.
Who's the boss? depends on the situation. but for the most part, the guy should be
Which do you think is more important for keeping love alive long-term? trust... and you have to feel comfortable, and you have to feel a connection with them


Ex-Cruciating Situations
Are you friends with your ex? yes. pretty good friends.
Have you ever had sex with an ex? you mean, while you were together? or while they were your ex? lol
You've got it bad for your ex's best friend. Do you act on it? never been in the situation, so who knows.


What Would You Do?
Would you let your boyfriend take naked pictures of you? lol. probably. But i perfer video cameras ;-)
Have you ever been to a strip club? noppers
What could you give up for the next five years? hrmmm... gotta think about it
If your boyfriend wanted you to have a breast enlargement, would you? fuuuuck no
How do you feel when men on the street whistle or compliment you? i get kinda agrivated. But its the cutest thing in the world, when you overhear a little boy tell his parents, that he thinks you're pretty... aww... i love little kids. hehe =)
What would you do if your guy's art/poem/song sucked? tell him i loved it. unless he thinks it sucks too.... then, make fun of him. lol
Your boyfriend suggests some role playing and wants to be the pillaging pirate to your saucy wench. What's your reaction? whatever makes him happy. and it might be pretty fun, anyways.
Do you discuss past conquests with your current cutie? when it comes up. yes.

yeah... not really much, going through this head of mine today. Just realixin... doin god knows what.

Hrmmm... i got pulled over again on Friday! ::gasp!:: of course, i got let off though... cause im just soooo kick ass, like that! =P lol. Yeah... im a lucky kinda girl like that.

I really do believe that im lucky though. Cause ya know what. Im a very lucky girl. I got the best friend i could ever want. And i got an amazing boyfriend. And just, an incredible group of friends. Yeah... id say im pretty lucky. hehe

So... lets see.... today. What did I do today? oh yeah, thats right. I slept! lol. I was supposed to go up to Hopatcong with Jess today, since we go up to Jeff's every sunday, and watch football, and eat lots of food (lots and lots of really really good food. Cause Jeff's mom, is like... the best cook ever!) But noooo... of course i could go today. Cause i dont have a car.. and i had to be back, cause i had a girl scout meeting today, at 6:30. so yeah. Here's how my day went:

Jess woke me up around 9:30.
She said she was gonna call me back, before she left.
Around 10-ish or so... she wakes me up again (yes, i fell back asleep)
I explained why i couldnt go... (ugh!)

ok.... so, Pam just updated her xanga. And i was reading it. And its a very very moving, inspriational entry. And i wanted to cry. And i wanted to let Pam know a few things. one. im happy for you. Sooo incredibly happy, that you realized all that stuff. There's always room for improvement, and you're one of those people that keep continuing to improve. You're definitly going to succeed in life, and make it somewhere great! two. im always here for you. And i most likely, speak for the whole lot of us. But i know, that i will never stop at anything to make you happy. So, anything you need... Im always gonna be here for you! friends forever pam... forever!

And, pam had a little servey thing in her xanga, where you fill it out about that person. So, im gonna fill it ou about pam. (the bold will be the original questions... regular being my answers.) and if anyone would like to do this as well. Copy and paste it into your journal, fill it out about me... ill see it, and then ill do it about you, in my journal thing.. ok? super!

haha.. doggyfizzle... lol. Ohhhh.. how i miss mr. roemmele's class! lol (Jess and Dan!) the moon phases... making fun of each other... not getting much work done... laughing insanely for the entire 44 minutes we were in class. ohhh the memories! ::sigh:: lol

so yeah... the marking period ended today. Which means report cards will be going out soon.. arg! didnt do all that well this marking period, but eh... its my own fault.

So yeah... for the most part, i think everyone's doing pretty well. A lot of funny shit has happened recently.

The stop sign!!! [ chris, rich, and brittany ]

And me, chris, ryan, and rich had a bunch of funny, (and in depth) conversations with my mommy the other night... that was fun. but holy crap... some of the things that we told my mom. Well, mainly Rich.. holy shit balls! lol

I miss Dale. I havent seen him in, god knows how long. And i talked to him yesterday, for the first time in like 2 weeks! woah! i wish he was coming back down here sometime, cause that'd just be soo kick ass! oh yeah! lol

Jess and Jeff had their 5 month on Sunday (awww). They're so cute. I love them. they are my role models... lol. Well, i love my jess... cause she's my Jess... and she's my besterest friend in the whole world! (and she's a hot sexy bitch! ooo baby! lol) yeahhh. I miss my Jess. I never get to hang out with just her anymore. Cause everytime i hang out with her, we're with Jeff. Eh, all good though. Cause Jeff is super cool too. And sunday's at Jeff's have been kick ass! FOOTBALL! And Mom's cooking! =) yummm.

ok.. so yeah. First off... my computer has a virus of some sort! ::gasp!:: nooooo! lol.. ok

second... i got new video tapes for my camera... so precious is back in business! WoOt wOoT! lol

third... progress reports came out today!!!!! ahhhhh!

and now i have my mom... and rich... lecturing me. Well, actually, my mom is just nagging me about stupid shit, and its giving me a headache, and she's retarded. lol. And Rich is actually productivly, trying to get me to do my work. (which, as much as i get all "grr... leave me alone!" about. I actually apreciate the fact that he cares that much. so thanks baby! hehe

sooo yeah... i love my jessica!!! <-yes, that was random... lol.

what else do i have to say? hrmmmm.... what else is new?

WoOt wOot! Homecoming is tomorrow!!! =) yay!

ive never been to a homecoming before. This is my first time. Im a homecoming virgin! ::gasp!:: lol